Is Conventional Wisdom All That Wise?

At this juncture I really am trying to live my life with intention, to remember that at the end of the day this is MY life, and yet I keep falling prey to the pitfalls of my nature. I'm an odd paradox in countless ways, a source of amusement for many who know me. One of these paradoxes is centered around the expectations of others. I seem to approach my life decisions in such a way that I'm either doing what I believe I should do or expressly reacting against what is expected.

Here is a silly example of the way that manifests itself. I tend to be a non-conforming conformist. If a given thing is exceptionally fashionable, and everyone has it, say pea coats for example. I may really want one, not necessarily because everyone has one, but because I like it. If I were to buy the coat I would have to have one in a color that no one else has, then I am conforming, but I feel unique. Yet there are other times when I simply go along with what is expected. In the winter when wearing a dress I wear a long dress coat because fashion and etiquette dictate it and I don't give it a second thought.

Such is the case with my life. There have been countless times that I've dutifully been the "good girl," the good wife or daughter or friend. I've done what was expected because it was expected regardless of my personal thoughts or feelings. Then there are times I've insisted on my own path in opposition to expectations. What is flawed is that the benchmark is always the expectations of others instead of the path I've chosen for my own life. The result is that I have a life of everyone else's collective creation and rather than my own. If I intend to live my own life purposely the benchmark has to shift to something of my own making.

Lately I've fallen prey to the pitfalls of conventional wisdom, which we all know has it's limits. Everyone has heard that puppy love is fleeting and yet also knows couples who have been married for 50 yrs. after being high school sweethearts. We've all heard that you should never go into business with a friend and yet some of the most successful businesses were founded by friends. The truth is that conventional wisdom, like many other things is grounded in part in truth and in part in fiction and most certainly isn't universally applicable.

Expected behavior following a divorce is fraught with conventional wisdom. Most divorcees will tell you that one of the most irritating parts of the process is everyone's advice about how you should "get through it." In my case I ignored it all at first. I was going to do my own thing and disregard it all. Then when life didn't seem to be going quite as well as I'd like for it to I questioned my approach and began to listen to the advice. Before I knew what hit me I was trying to follow some of that conventional wisdom and be a "good divorcee." Surprise of all surprises, that isn't working out for me. I'm not a good divorcee. I just don't fit in that mold so I'm going to have to make my own. Maybe I could try being a good person instead.

So I think there is one piece of conventional wisdom that I will consider for the time being. I think for now I need to "follow my heart" if I'm ever going to live the life I've intended and live it fully. This is after all MY life.