Spring Has Sprung

In nature we all know that Spring comes in its own time with little regard for the Roman calendar. And each year there is a first day of Spring as we personally experience it. In Ohio that day usually has a few more Winter-like ones that follow it, but that first day is still the first. It's the day when things get a little less grey, the sun shines a little longer and brighter, and evidence of new life begins to peek up from the soil and out from dull pointy branches. Children and teenagers pull out their shorts and flip flops as if 62 degrees were 82, and middle-aged couples start cultivating their gardens. Neighbors come out of their front doors and linger on the porch as I can only imagine bears moseying out of their caves after a long hibernation.

Personally I have so many memories of this particular holiday. I remember this day the way I remember Christmases and birthdays. As a child I always skipped home from school on this day and maybe cut lilacs for my teacher. In college I remember every hipster with a guitar descended upon the quad and as an adult I remember ditching work early with my best girlfriend to sip gin and tonics at a pub with sidewalk cafe seating. Last year there was a brief warm spell in March, but the first day of Spring as I remember it was April 20th. Now, usually I don't remember the date when this glorious holiday occurs, but last year was special.

April 20th is the day that my divorce was final. The finality was slow in coming since my ex-husband and I had been apart for nearly a year and a half at that point, but still it’s a date you can't forget. The day began grey, cold and windy. I remember sitting in the hall outside the courtroom talking to a woman who was the closest thing to and angel I had ever known. She was waiting for court that day to change her name. After her divorce she had kept her ex-husband's name for the sake of her children, who were now grown, thus the impetus for her appearance. I don't remember much about what she said, but it brought great comfort to have her there. My own mother, and countless friends had offered to join me that day, but I didn't want to face the humiliation of divorce with an audience of those I loved. Strangers seemed the best audience. A part of me wished my ex were there, he was there at the beginning, he should be there at the end, but I suppose it happened as it needed to. What was funny to me was that part of the delay in completing my divorce was that I'd filled out the paperwork improperly to begin with and I'd had to start the process over in order to insure that my name was restored.

All of the cases on the docket ahead of me were family court in nature. Divorce asset disputes, custody issues, my new friend with the name change and me. It only takes a matter of moments to get divorced, and no matter how prepared you are, you don't know what to expect. People had told me how cold the experience had felt, but I guess the judge in my case was unusually warm. He asked if the husband were present, I sheepishly said, "No, he lives out of state." The judge said, "That's okay, he doesn't have to be here." He asked if I were pregnant, which I was not, and then verified that I did want to restore my maiden name, and it was done. The judge half smiled and looked me in the eye, somehow acknowledging my hurt and sent me on my way. As soon as I stepped outside the courthouse I called the ex and told him it was done. We briefly chatted as if this were normal. He told me about his date he'd planned that night and I shared that I was joining my ex-boyfriend and some friends for a wine tasting. It was weird at best, but as we were talking the clouds parted, the sun came out and warmed my face and it became a beautiful day.

Following my morning in court I went to a favorite suburb to sit at a sidewalk cafe and have some lunch. My friends were all working and I really felt like peace and quiet were in order. I ordered a salad and a split of champagne. I called my best friend and we talked for a minute or two. Mostly I just enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air. Breathing was easier, life was new, I felt as light as the bubbles in my champagne. There was even a handsome guy at the adjacent table who struck up a conversation and asked for my number. I was free to give it without even a tinge of guilt, so I did. I never intended to see him again, but on principal I gave the number because I could. And he did call, several times, but I never called him back. I didn't need or want to.

That night was the next to the last time I saw the ex-boyfriend, whom I had loved dearly, and at some point he had loved me, but the relationship at it's best was the epitome of bad timing. I had met him right at the time when my marriage fully disintegrated and as much as we were attracted to each other everything got off to the wrong start and we never figured out how to normalize the relationship. At the wine tasting that night he was distant and detached, what I used to see in his eyes was completely gone. I remember telling a friend of his that this was the last time she was likely to see me and I was right. Some things don't grow back in the Spring, some Winters are too harsh.

What is more interesting is that April 20th is the birthday of a little girl I hadn't even met yet, but I had already befriended her father. And this morning it was her voice that woke me from my slumber. And much to my surprise, I've grown to love her as much as I love her father. And this morning as I drove from her house to mine I passed the fields I've grown to know so well and I saw the first little green sprouts indicating Spring. I thought about my earliest trips past these fields, how I had watched this process before, and I realized that this time we'd weathered the winter. This guy is still here and everything between us is still growing and healthy and vibrant. What a joy it is to grow with someone. Yes, this truly is a holiday like no other.