So what if I'm wrong?

The thing that is wonderful about a really good friend is that he or she will call you out when you're being ridiculous. Such is the case with me. A week ago I was with my friends at a dinner party lamenting my lost love and my friends helped me to see something that I was blind to.......... The lost love DID actually care about me. I had become so preoccupied with wanting him to talk about his feelings for me that I completely failed to recognize the ways that he showed his feelings. Maybe he did care.......

So then a friend broke it down for me. He listed the pros and cons of being with Lost Lover. There were strikingly few cons. To which my response was, "It's too late." What followed that was this somewhat comical list of questions and a reasonably wise comment from the friend:
"Did you break any laws?"
"Hurt any members of his family?
"Burn his house down?"
"Murder anyone?"
"Then I think you might have a shot."

So there it was, the ball in MY court. And I was realizing that maybe life doesn't happen to me, maybe I can have some impact. Maybe I needed to take a risk and try to mend fences. Suddenly I was soaring at the idea of having a chance, albeit a crap shoot at best. I was fully willing to go out on a limb and get shot down because at least I'd tried.

My jump into taking a risk for love came in two parts. First I called Lost Love to see when he would be around. I had two purposes in mind. I wanted to send him flowers and a simple apology with hopes that if the peace offering were well received I could talk to him in person. Step one was guardedly well received so I proceeded with step two and we talked.

The conversation was great, I was able to take responsibility for my part in things and we had a real conversation about where we'd been together and apart and where we might be going either together or apart. What's next? I don't know, but what I do know is that I'm growing in positive ways and if he is alongside for the journey that would be wonderful. If he isn't, at least I took a risk well worth taking.