3 Loves

In the wake of a recent breakup I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what went wrong. Up to this point every relationship has ended and that really isn't my goal, so what can I do to get this right?

Well, I've been in love in one way or another three times in my life. The first love was puppy love. My high school sweetheart was the most fun and romantic of all my loves, but outside of that there wasn't much substance to the relationship. My memories of our time together are so happy and fun. He was the ideal first love, the kind I hope my imaginary daughter will have some day. There is a reason that everyone has a first love and that is because first loves are seldom meant to last. My heart was utterly broken when we broke up, but life sent me someone else. My second love was meant to be the love of my life. I spent ten years with him and he was my spouse for 6 of those years. The attraction to him was so intellectual; he was the first guy I knew with whom I could discuss art, literature, philosophy and theology. I was thrilled and so was he; he fell for me quickly and intensely and it felt so good to be loved. I loved him for how he made me feel and how he felt about me. Sadly, that wasn't enough. I never dreamed things would end this way, but we divorced. Then my third love was a complete surprise. This time I was the one who fell in love without much thought or effort. I finally understood love. I loved him just as he was for a million big and little reasons that all added up to real unconditional love. I didn't love him for what he did for me or how he made me feel; I loved him simply for being himself. Unfortunately he never grew to feel the same way. I believe the relationship lasted as long as it did because of how I made him feel, which sadly is not unlike my experience with lover number two. Thus we parted ways. Even so I haven't stopped loving him and I suppose that sort of love doesn't really go away, rather the heart must evetually grow to love someone else as much or even more intensely.

So what can be learned from this? On one hand it might seem that I have a knack for picking ill-suited partners, but I've arrived at another theory. Maybe I'm meant to look for someone who possesses the wonderful qualities of all three, or maybe there are other wonderful qualities that I haven't even thought of. Some day someone will come along and we will fit, we will both love each other as we are and do so unconditionally. That is the partner I wish to spend the rest of my life with and I should settle for nothing less.